If we started talking about an 8 foot long scorpion, a shark with a circular saw blade built into it’s freaking head, and a horned gopher, you’d be sure we were discussing the next “instant classic” from the SyFy network. But we’re not – these bitches were real.

Right out of a Hieronymus Bosch Furry Convention, these monsters were very real, and for the most part, very badass. Okay, the horned gopher, not so much. But he’s cute, so we’ll give him a pass. And secretly believe he spits corrosive acid and can impale grown men like Vlad. That would be pretty badass.

This article from Weburbanist tells the tale of 14 bizarre monsters that would totally kick our asses if they were still around. Except maybe the gopher. Oh, but there is that corrosive spit. (Not really. Sigh.)

Seriously. We’re not making it up. It’s name is Ceratogaulus Rhinoceros, which sounds very science-y, so it must be true.

For more on these freakshows and additional proof that mother nature is kind of a dick, check out the full article on Weburbanist.

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There is so much wrong with this website – and only a tiny part of that is the website design itself, which is so bad it will give you cancer.

Mixing dinosaurs with anything almost always makes it better. Adding sex to anything almost always makes it better. Somehow mixing dinosaurs with sex causes a singularity and we all die. Seriously. If you click on that link, you’ll immediately get eye cancer and then cause the end of the world as we know it.

To give you some idea of of what you’ll find at the Jurassic Park Erotic Fan-Fiction, check the excerpt below:

Back in the lobby, amidst the human body parts and broken dinosaur models, Grant started to have mouth sex with his dead raptor friend. He would endorse this park, he decided, for he had finally been able to play. And parks are meant to be played in.

Because the only thing that could possibly make this worse is necrophiliac dinosaur porn. So go ahead, click on it, if you don’t care about the future of humanity. Dick.

Editors Note: The animated dinosaurs on that site happen to move exactly in tune with the Buffalaxed Benny Lava video song. Which almost makes them awesome, and may be the only redeeming value of that site. I almost tagged this “NSFW”, but honestly, there’s no way your boss is going to be able to read what’s on that screen. And if he tries, he’ll have eye cancer anyway.

The International Jurassic Park Erotic Fan-Fiction Writer’s Association via [Geekologie]

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