TehAwesome.Net » WTF http://www.tehawesome.net A collection of awesome things Tue, 29 Jun 2010 08:06:23 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=abc Crazy Homeless Fanbois FTW! http://www.tehawesome.net/2010/01/27/crazy-homeless-fanbois-ftw/ http://www.tehawesome.net/2010/01/27/crazy-homeless-fanbois-ftw/#comments Wed, 27 Jan 2010 19:34:36 +0000 snipe http://www.tehawesome.net/?p=228

If I ever become famous enough to have fans, I’m pretty sure this is how it will play out.

Dollhouse Emergency Meeting

As regular readers know, I am currently homeless. Nevertheless, I love Eliza Dushku and want to save her show.

There will be an emergency meeting to save Dollhouse.

Dollhouse unofficial fansite toresimonsen.wordpress.com Tore loves Eliza <3

The meeting will be held on January 14, 2010 in the Downtown Central library in Minneapolis from 1 pm to 3 pm. Mostly collecting signatures for the petition, though I may make some brief remarks.

I planned to discuss the meeting by putting up signs with the Downtown Improvement District. The receptionist behind the desk rejected my sign as too unprofessional and in my personal interest.

There are so many things wrong with this, I’m not even sure where to start. “Emergency”, “Dollhouse”, and “Meeting” are three words that should never be used in the same sentence. Or at least in order. Something like “It’s an emergency, my daughter is choking on her dollhouse and I am in a meeting” is fine. Well maybe not fine, but help will be on the way soon enough.

So, fine. The first line of this page comes off a little crazy start, but I’m totally willing to give this guy a chance . “As regular readers know, I am currently homeless. Nevertheless, I love Eliza Dushku and want to save her show.”

In the interest of full disclosure, I will admit, I’m not a Dushku fan. In my home, I refer to her as “Douche-koo”. I liked what Dollhouse was starting to become, and I respect that Jos had to make a lot of concessions to keep the network happy. I am not saying I wanted it canceled. Just saying that the look on her face is a cross between what one looks like immediately after being hit in the head with a two-by-four, and trying way way way too hard to look sexy to the point where she looks sleepy and dopey. Maybe she’s got a few other dwarves jammed up there, too. She’s cute, when she’s not making that face – but still not the fap-fodder most of the men I know seem to think she is. I digress.

What makes it awesome, and reminds me of the fan following I may someday dare to dream of having: My fan club will definitely be populated with “unprofessional” sci-fi addicted homeless guys skyping and blogging from their Linux laptops while smearing themselves with their own feces and hand-scrawling crazy signs in creepy serial-killer handwriting. (Yes, yes he does run Linux. I’m only guessing about the feces, though.)

I’ll have my own Beowulf cluster of crazy. It will be great. You’ll see.

Update Feb 9, 2010: Crazy Homeless Dushku Guy apparently found this blog post – and called us misguided. Pure gold.

“In any event, I’ve tried to set the record straight by providing people with access to my medical records which state clearly that I am not a threat to myself or anyone else and that Dr. Tom Grace acknowledged that I am in love with Eliza Dushku.”

I don’t recall ever implying that he was a threat to himself or others. Hilarious, yes. A threat, no. Also, I’m not sure having a doctor acknowledge that you’re “in love” with a movie star is the right play in the “see, I told you I’m not crazy” game. Ask Jodie Foster.

Whatever, crazy dude. I’m not actually hating on you at all. I think you’re fabulous (questionable choice in linux distros notwithstanding), in the way that crazy people are. Soldier on, buddy. And good luck to you.

Via [Tore Simonson Loves Eliza] via [EmailsFromCrazyPeople]

Completely unrelated to this story, I had to include the full-size blog image in this post, so you could really bask in how awesome it is. Please to enjoy.

]]> http://www.tehawesome.net/2010/01/27/crazy-homeless-fanbois-ftw/feed/ 6 Japanese Lamp Fighting http://www.tehawesome.net/2010/01/25/japanese-lamp-fighting/ http://www.tehawesome.net/2010/01/25/japanese-lamp-fighting/#comments Mon, 25 Jan 2010 03:59:22 +0000 snipe http://www.tehawesome.net/?p=151

The Japanese are known for having, well, interesting ideas of entertainment – but holy christ on toast, I’d like to meet the guy who sat down and said “Hey, you know what would be awesome? Two fat guys in a ring, beating each other bloody with fluorescent light bulbs.”

Via [OddityCentral]

]]> http://www.tehawesome.net/2010/01/25/japanese-lamp-fighting/feed/ 2 Jurassic Park Erotic Fan-Fic http://www.tehawesome.net/2010/01/24/jurassic-park-erotic-fan-fict/ http://www.tehawesome.net/2010/01/24/jurassic-park-erotic-fan-fict/#comments Sun, 24 Jan 2010 19:18:16 +0000 snipe http://www.tehawesome.net/?p=119

There is so much wrong with this website – and only a tiny part of that is the website design itself, which is so bad it will give you cancer.

Mixing dinosaurs with anything almost always makes it better. Adding sex to anything almost always makes it better. Somehow mixing dinosaurs with sex causes a singularity and we all die. Seriously. If you click on that link, you’ll immediately get eye cancer and then cause the end of the world as we know it.

To give you some idea of of what you’ll find at the Jurassic Park Erotic Fan-Fiction, check the excerpt below:

Back in the lobby, amidst the human body parts and broken dinosaur models, Grant started to have mouth sex with his dead raptor friend. He would endorse this park, he decided, for he had finally been able to play. And parks are meant to be played in.

Because the only thing that could possibly make this worse is necrophiliac dinosaur porn. So go ahead, click on it, if you don’t care about the future of humanity. Dick.

Editors Note: The animated dinosaurs on that site happen to move exactly in tune with the Buffalaxed Benny Lava video song. Which almost makes them awesome, and may be the only redeeming value of that site. I almost tagged this “NSFW”, but honestly, there’s no way your boss is going to be able to read what’s on that screen. And if he tries, he’ll have eye cancer anyway.

The International Jurassic Park Erotic Fan-Fiction Writer’s Association via [Geekologie]

]]> http://www.tehawesome.net/2010/01/24/jurassic-park-erotic-fan-fict/feed/ 1 Cabbage Snatch Kids http://www.tehawesome.net/2010/01/24/cabbage-snatch-kids/ http://www.tehawesome.net/2010/01/24/cabbage-snatch-kids/#comments Sun, 24 Jan 2010 16:33:39 +0000 snipe http://www.tehawesome.net/?p=85

I have no problem with anatomically correct dolls. In fact, I secretly wish I was the one sewing the teenie tiny kanekalon pubes onto their plush little bodies.

I could have, however, lived the rest of my life without seeing the soap-on-a-rope fetuses dangling from the female doll’s upholstered vag.

Just sayin’.

Via [pictureisunrelated]

]]> http://www.tehawesome.net/2010/01/24/cabbage-snatch-kids/feed/ 0 Goodbye Horses, Hello Downward Spiral Into Madness http://www.tehawesome.net/2010/01/23/unicorn/ http://www.tehawesome.net/2010/01/23/unicorn/#comments Sun, 24 Jan 2010 04:16:35 +0000 snipe http://www.tehawesome.net/?p=164

I love that the choice in music makes most people immediately think of the tuck dance from Silence of the Lambs. It rubs the lotion on it’s skin or else it gets the hose again.

If you’d like to see more of this kind of thing (and may god have mercy on your soul), be sure to check out the Wedding Cheetah.

Via [YouTube]

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